Things you won't hear Chris Paul say

“Blake is a tremendous young talent.  I can see me and him becoming a deadly combination.  Hopefully we can be the next [Sam] Cassell and [Elton] Brand.”

“Anything is possible!!!!” was the cry heard from Donald Sterling when the, once rescinded, Chris Paul to LA Clippers, trade was finalized.  You have to give it to the Clippers organization, for once they showed some ‘sticktuitiveness’.   Now they have arguably the best point alongside unarguably the most talented and promising young forward in the league.  Chris Paul made David West a two-time All Star, so imagine what he’ll turn Blake Griffin into (Karl Malone infused with Amar’e?).  Let’s hope the ‘Clipper curse’ doesn’t find its way into Blake’s knees, or Chris Paul’s knees for that matter.  Think about how much better Blake will be with the best playmaker in the game at the helm.  This summer everyone was salivating over, newly minted NBA champion, Tyson Chandler.  The same Tyson Chandler that New Orleans traded for Emeka Okafor.  The same Tyson Chandler who played five forgettable years in Chicago.  The same Tyson Chandler everyone had written off before he teamed with Chris Paul.  Now Chandler has joined the Knicks and is heralded as the answer to all their defensive liabilities.  In addition to the insane pick and roll nightmares Paul and Griffin create, don’t forget about Tyson Chandler Redux – DeAndre Jordan.  The Clippers traded everything but the kitchen sink to get Paul.  Luckily this kitchen sink is 6’11 and hates when you try to score on his basket. 

“The city of New Orleans has been great to me these past six years.  We’ve been through a lot together, but I think the thing I’ll miss most is the drunk tourists on Bourbon Street.”

Once the original Chris Paul to LA (Lakers) trade didn’t go through, I thought the team hurt most was New Orleans.  As they stood to lose Paul but gain Lamar Odom, Luis Scola and Kevin Martin, a very solid Nuggets-esque team makeover, before David Stern vetoed the trade.  Stern’s shrewdness seems to have paid dividends once again.  The Clippers lost a perennial All Star, but gained a former All Star in Chris Kaman, a future All Star in Eric Gordon, an athletic wing in Al Farouq-Aminu and a possible franchise player with Minnesota’s (bound to be lottery) 2012 draft pick.  That’s a wealth of talent for a player who was adamant about going to either New York or LA.  Originally, it probably didn’t dawn on Paul how good of a fit he’d be on the other LA team.  He’s now one-two with a beastly power forward, as opposed to an aging, albeit great, shot-happy two guard.  The question heard ‘round the Internets is “are the Clippers better than the Lakers?”  In short, we don’t know, and no one will know until both teams have finished making moves.  Two important variables for the LA teams: will Bynum’s knees hold up, and how much will Griffin improve in his second year?  If Bynum is healthy and fully mobile than he’s a force and one of the best centers in the league, but if he can’t stay on the court then the Lakers are in trouble.  Blake impressed/surprised everyone at how good he was as a rookie, and if he continues to make leaps and bounds then the Clippers as a whole will be an absolute force. 

“Besides being in Los Angeles and playing beside Blake, I think I’m most excited about receiving point guard tutelage from coach Del Negro.”

Good thing the Clippers were able to maintain the services of DeAndre Jordan because with a Timberwolves-like four legitimate point guards they’ll need someone to protect the rim.  After the initial trade to the Hornets fell through the Clippers signed Chauncey Billups, then the revised trade had them shipping two-guard Eric Gordon instead of Eric Bledsoe, and don’t forget about Mo ‘LeBron look what you’ve done’ Williams.   The Clips now find themselves stockpiled at the one-spot with four guards who are all better than Vinny Del Negro ever was.   Due to amnesty rules, Chauncey can’t be traded so look for Bledsoe and Williams to be shipped out of town – and hey, has anyone signed Jamal Crawford yet? This is the most exciting time to be a Clippers fan since, well maybe ever.  While he’s only locked in for two years, Chris Paul playing alongside Blake Griffin for a reinvigorated franchise has unlimited potential, and alters the landscape of the Western Conference.  One thing you won’t be hearing Chris Paul say anytime soon “I want a trade.”

The Academy Award 'All-Stars'

David Stern has become a despot.  Dictating and unilaterally vetoing trades which benefited the entire realm of the NBA – owners, players, and fans.  Stern, acting as de facto owner of the New Orleans Hornets, passed on a trade that would have Chris Paul moved for *intake of oxygen* Fariq Al-Aminu, Eric Bledsoe, All-Star Chris Kaman, and the Minnesota Timberwolve’s first pick in the upcoming draft.  Rewind a second, “All-star” Chris Kaman?  Yes, the ‘Hornets’ rejecting this trade and demanding more assets from the Clippers borders on ludicrous, but I’m more interested in the moniker I heard a writer assign to more-than-serviceable-centre Kaman.  You can’t argue that Kaman was selected to an All-Star team (2010).  Referring to players of Kaman’s caliber as an ‘All-Star’ irks me, much like hearing ‘Academy Award nominee’ next to a serviceable actor’s name who was fortunate enough to be attached to a fantastic film - or a film with fantastic marketing (usually the latter) - and landed a fluke nomination.   Oscar nominations are similar to All-Star bids in that talent and skill can be second to marketing and timing.  To overhype a talent, an analyst, team official, or agent may refer to a player as an ‘All-Star’ even when they don’t necessarily have the pedigree.  Hollywood studios love to throw the ‘Academy Award Nominee' label next to an actor, even when an actor’s talent is not synonymous with what an Academy Award stands for (whatever that is these days).   I’ve gone through the ‘Best Supporting Actor/Actress’ nominees since 2000, and hand-picked six who earned nominations/awards, but few would label as talented actors.  Then cross-referenced them with NBA All-Stars since 2000, and created three categories.

The Biopic Crash’s

Actors:  Joaquin Phoenix (2000) Gladiator / Jamie Foxx (2004) Collateral

Joaquin Phoenix is to River Phoenix as Puff Daddy is to Biggie Smalls.  Scathing hyperbole aside, Phoenix is a talented actor and for a few years had cornered the 'angst-ridden effeminate male' market, but was he one of the best actors in Hollywood?  His nomination for Gladiator, that year’s Best Picture winner (uugghhh), can be chalked-up to the studio’s marketing blitz.  Joaquin was later nominated for his portrayal of Johnny Cash in Walk the Line.  Fred Durst could have played this role and been nominated. The Academy has a soft spot for biopics about nostalgia-era musicians.

Jamie Foxx is a talented comedian, and serviceable dramatic actor and musician, but does he belong in the same category as Morgan Freeman (2004’s Best Supporting Actor)?  2004 was Foxx’s year, as along with being nominated for Collateral, he won Best Actor for his portrayal as Ray Charles in the aptly named Ray.  Again, the Academy has a soft spot for biopics about nostalgia-era musicians, and his award is more indicative of that than his acting talent.

The All-Stars

Brad Miller (2003) (2004) – A deft passing big man with soft touch.  like Jamie Foxx, Brad Miller peaked in ’04.  During this time he averaged 13/8 and 14/9 on very solid Indiana and Sacramento teams.  His All-Star selections, are a reflection of those teams, much like Joquin Phoenix’s Gladiator nomination is a reflection of the Academy's love for the film. 

David West (2008) (2009) – Chris Paul is to David West’s All-Star selection as Michael Mann is to Jamie Foxx’s nomination for Collateral. 

Andrei Kirilenko (2004) – A long-time fantasy team All-Star, Kirilenko was selected based on his defense and ability to fill a stat-sheet.  In 2004, your team was in good shape if Andrei was your third best ‘fill the holes’ player, but in rough shape if he was your only All-Star.

Anthony Mason (2001) – This is a ‘body of work’ All-Star selection (The Academy Awards love handing these out as well).  A defensive stalwart of the ‘90s Knicks, Mason had an impressive NBA career but is maybe best remembered for his awkward free throw release.

The Indie Film Darlings

Mark Ruffalo (2010) The Kids are All Right / Catherine Keener (2005) Capote

Mark Ruffalo is handsome and affable, and he’s something Bill Simmons would refer to as a ‘bring to the table guy’ – he brings positive attributes to a film without detracting anything - but an elite actor he is not.  Ruffalo’s nomination came on the wings of the indie, same-sex marriage drama, The Kids are All Right.

As far as legit ‘momshells’ go, Catherine Keener is a stunner for her age.  Much like Ruffalo, she is attractive and likeable with a smile that puts you at ease.  She was nominated for 2005’s biopic Capote, where she did a remarkable job of complementing Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s harrowing Truman Capote by basically staying out of the way.

The All-Stars

Zydrunas Ilgauskas (2003) – You’re 7’3, now report to the All-Star game.  Lithuania’s response to Frankenstein’s monster, a seven-footer with shooting touch, and peanut butter for knee cartilage.

Mehmet Okur (2007) – The man can flat-out shoot, but if he’s taking the bulk of your shots, you’re in trouble.  Okur’s most suited role was the supporting one he played with the ’04 Champion Detroit Pistons.  Like Keener, he’s best served complementing legit All-Stars.

Devin Harris (2009) – Apparently pissed off for being traded, Harris was a man possessed his first year-plus in New Jersey.  Harris’ performance impressed Nets brass so much that they imported legit All-Star point guard Deron Williams. 

The Slumdog Millionaire’s

Mark Wahlberg (2006) Departed /  Mo’Nique (2009) Precious

In ten years, when reflecting back on these nominations, even the people who voted for them will wince.  Mark Wahlberg did a remarkable job of playing himself, if he were a cop, in 2006’s stellar ‘The Departed’.  Nominating Wahlberg as a foul-mouthed prick from Boston is like nominating Eminem for his portrayal of a white low-class aspiring rapper in 8 Mile: art imitates life, imitates art, imitates…

No one can deny Mo'Nique's powerhouse supporting role, in one of the best movies of the last ten years.  I’m speaking of course, about Mo’Nique’s portrayal of Cheery in the criminally underrated comedy Beerfest.  Marky Mark and Mo’Nique forever synonymous with excellence in acting.

The All-Stars

Chirs Kaman (2010) – In early 2009 he was Western Conference player of the week, on a Blake-less Clippers squad.  Kaman has solid footwork, and nice touch around the hoop, but is a prime example of anybody can put up good numbers on a bad team.

Dale Davis (2000) / Antonio Davis (2001) – No they aren’t related, but yes they are the same person.  Back to back All-Star bids.  Antonio Davis as an All-Star Center (all 6’8 of him) proves ‘you can’t teach height’ (no literally, look at the guy).

Jamaal Magloire (2004) – A Center who averaged 13/10 while shooting well below 50% from the field, but hey he’s an ‘All-Star’. How's that Smash Mouth song go?  "Hey now, you're an All-Star..." something like that.

Wally Szczerbiak (2002) – Must be the eyebrows.  

NBA implements 'The Power of Veto'

A few weeks ago I lobbied for the NBA to integrate a reality show formula when deciding which players would go down to the D-League.  David Stern has taken this idea of incorporating reality show rules and added Big Brother’s ‘the power of veto’ to the NBA; setting the sportsworld ablaze with an unprecedented unilateral move blocking a trade sending Chris Paul to the Lakers .  Everyone thinks the Hornets/Lakers (with a side order of Rockets) trade was vetoed because the owners were vehemently opposed to it - especially Mark Cuban, but especially Dan Gilbert.   Take a minute and think about why the trade was vetoed.  If Stern is going to turn the NBA into a reality show then he can’t have his biggest reality show star, Lamar Odom-Kardashian, playing for a struggling New Orleans franchise.  Word is, the producers of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ were the ones behind the trade veto – who knew Ryan Seacrest’s power grip extended so far.  Just a few weeks ago we entered the ‘Nuclear Winter’ of the league and now it seems the NBA has risen from the ashes, this time with a reality-show twist, leaving fans feeling like they are living a Surreal Life. 

Why this trade was vetoed, and not the ‘Pau Gasol for a still-infant-Marc Gasol and pocket change’ trade, is beyond me.  The Rockets would have inherited Pau Gasol, a deft passing big man tailor made for Rick Adelman’s offense, and draft picks.  New Orleans was receiving a breadth of talent in Kevin Martin, Luis Scola and Lamar Odom, leaving them flexible with an overstock of talent at both forward positions.   Actually, Los Angeles was coming out the weakest after giving up their most valuable asset (yes, even more valuable than Kobe), size, length and depth [wow, that came out wrong].  Even though it was assumed Dwight Howard would eventually La-La-land with the Lakers, if he didn’t – keeping in mind it was a large ‘if’ – the Lakers would have been left with a depleted frontcourt.   Kobe and Chris Paul aren’t going to ‘Isaiah/Dumars’ the Lakers to a championship (Luke Walton is no Dennis Rodman).  The trade was beneficial to all teams, but owners were afraid of creating another Miami-like 'Super Team' - although if memory serves me correct, I don't believe any 'Super Team' is yet to win a championship.

You know when you go through the ‘make-up/break-up’ phase at the tail end of a relationship?  That’s what this feels like.  Sure, we have NBA action getting underway this year, but many of the issues which caused the lockout are unresolved.  Until the NBA can get all the owners on the same page, the relationship with the fans is going to look less like Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, and more like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.  

Sleeping with the Enemy: post-lockout NBA fan-dom

When the lockout began I painted a picture of David Stern as an ‘abusive’ commissioner, pondering if I should get out of this ‘relationship’.  Then I begged the question of, could a relationship withstand the strain of infidelity [the lockout], and if so, was it even worth saving?   Well, call me a glutton for punishment, but the NBA is back, with trade rumours in full-swing, and I’m welcoming it back with open arms and couldn’t be more in love.  Now my friends are reminding me of the ‘bad times’ and heartache I endured recently in my relationship with the league, but “they don’t know him like I do.”  My feelings for the NBA are all encompassing and unconditional.  Sure, the NBA went on Lockout and now instead of an 82 game season we’re getting a condensed 66 game season, but the NBA explained to me that if I don’t make it mad then it won’t hurt me.  So in a way, the lockout was my [the fans’] fault, for making it mad and not giving it enough money in the first place.  At first I was upset about the shortened 66 game season, till the NBA said, “what’s the matter, 66 games ain’t good enough for ya? Huh!?? What, you rather have a puny 50 game season.  You think I like having to only play 66 games!??”  To which I replied, “No, no, I’m happy.  I know you work hard, and 66 is a lot, I’m sorry.  Thank you…thank you.”   I’ll just use some concealer to cover up my bruises and put on a big smile.  I had to stop watching college ball because the NBA found some PVR’d games I had recorded when it was gone, “what’s this, huh!!??  You cheating on me?  Who the hell is DePaul…answer me!!!”  I’ve learned my lesson; I won’t cry and gripe when the NBA is gone anymore.  I’ll just be happy for any attention it gives me.

I continue my recap of the definitive ‘Sobriety Strike Standings’ with the West Coast.  Again, the teams have been realigned into three Drink Divisions and ranked within each division depending on how appetizing the drinks I had for them were:

Red Stag Division:  A black-cherry flavoured bourbon, Red Stag isn’t a drink you can have all the time, but delicious on the right occasion, and will get you blotto all the same.  Smooth liquers and premium vodkas in this division with very few low-quality drinks (save for the Colt45 I had opening night to ‘pour out some liquor’ for the league).

LAL - Colt45, Goldschlager, Stoli, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Mount Gay, Lowenbrau, Vanilla Stoli, Fireball Whiskey, 42Below Vodka, Labatt Blue

DAL - White Russian (2), Red Stag, OV, Vanilla Stoli, Churchill, Hpnotiq, Crown Royal, Stoli, Jack and coke

OKC - Colt45, Jack and coke (2), Famous Grouse, Stinger, Canadian Club, Rusty Nail, Zubrowka

LAC - Alize, Jack and coke(2), Pabst Blue Ribbon, Crystal Head Vodka, White Russian, Vanilla Stoli, Heartbreak cocktail, Rusty Nail, Red Stag, Mount Gay

MEM - Alize, Laker, Jack and coke (2), Vanilla Stoli, Bud Light, B52, Hpnotiq, 42Below Vodka

Canadian Club Division:   The whisky made popular during prohibition, Canadian Club is now the most common dark liquor you’ll find in Canada.  A fine drink that goes well with ginger ale or cola, but lacking that quality to ‘anger the blood’ which all great whiskeys have.

SAS - Labatt Blue, Red Stag, Mount Gay (2), Lowenbrau, Famous Grouse, Zubrowka (2), Sidecar

NOH - Jack and coke, Pabst Blue ribbon, Hpnotiq (2), Bud Light, Labatt 50, Godfather

POR - Lakeport, Jack and coke, Pabst Blue Ribbon, El Dorado, Famous Grouse, Manhattan (2), Hpnotiq, Zubrowka, Labatt Blue, Mount Gay

GSW - Goldschlager, Labatt Blue, Mount Gay, Lowenbrau, Alize, Bud Light, Churchill, Labatt 50 (2), Budweiser

UTA - Coors Light, Laker, Jack and coke (2), El Dorado, Canadian Club, Cuba Libre, Rusty Nail

Smirnoff Ice Division:   Not nearly as unpalatable as the ‘Jack n’ Grind’ division in the East, but what it lacks in potency it more than makes up for in effeminate correlation.  If Budweiser is ‘The King of Beers’ (a truly detestable King who is unsympathetic to his people) then Smirnoff Ice is the ‘Queen of Drinks’.

DEN - Lakeport, OV, El Dorado, Vanilla Stoli, Bud Light, Canadian Club, Rusty Nail, Jack and coke, Red Stag

PHO - Stoli, Jack and coke (2), Pabst Blue Ribbon, El Dorado, Canadian Club, Heartbreak cocktail, Labatt 50 (2), Old Fashioned, Labatt Blue

HOU - Coors Light, Labatt 67, Jack and coke, Budweiser (2), Alize

MIN - Labatt Blue (2), El Dorado, Mezcal, Smirnoff Ice, Sidecar, Budweiser, Bud Light,

SAC - Labatt 67, Labatt Blue (2), Mount Gay, Budweiser, Mezcal, B52, Smirnoff Ice, Sidecar, Labatt Blue

On the 12th Day of Christmas, my SternCo gave to me...

I'm trading in my 12-Step Program for the 12 Days of Christmas.  Just like that the pall has been lifted and the NBA lives.  As you're well aware, after marathon negotiating sessions over Thanksgiving, the NBA and NBA Player's Union reached a deal, and the season is set to start on Christmas Day.  There were optimistic signs all week, but this deal still came relatively out of nowhere.  My theory is that NBPA lawyer, David Boies, performed a face-transplant procedure, from the movie 'Face/Off', on David Stern which expedited the negotiation process and allowed them to forego in-court legal action.  David Stern and I seem to have at least one thing in common, we're both prone to spout end of days hyperboles.  All month I've been announcing NBApocalyptic rhetoric, warning fans and writers to guard themselves against this false optimism at the possibility of an NBA season.  Now I look like a 'Y2K/2012, the end is near!' nutjob, and I'm fine with that.  I'd rather be wrong and live my days in bliss than be right and live my days in an angry alcoholic haze.  You might be wondering what is to come of my 'Sobriety Strike' and this blog.  Well, I will continue to drink, just not with the fervor of "seven days a week, and twice on schedule-heavy Wednesdays."  Instead of devouring copious amounts of libations, I'll be devouring games on League Pass, and with a truncated season, everyday's a Wednesday.  I'll continue to have drinks and assign specific drinks to certain games, but not every day, and not every game on tap, which is good because I was starting to feel like this guy. 

I've compiled all the drinks I assigned to games during the lockout and noted them beside the correlating teams.  Below you will find the results for the Eastern Conference.  The fifteen teams have been realigned into three 'drink divisions', and ranked within each division dependant on the drinks consumed during my sobriety strike. 

Jack and Coke Division:  My favourite drink, and it’s frequently found next to teams in this division.  There’s hardly a bad tasting drink in the bunch with plenty of fine liqueur, premium vodka, and delicious cocktails.  These teams were a pleasure to follow during my drinking binge.

CHI - White Russian, Jack and coke (2), Crystal Head vodka, Famous Grouse, Zubrowka, Old Fashioned, Red stag and coke, Red Stag and coke, Mount Gay rum

BOS - shot of Stoli (2), Red Stag and coke, White Russian, Vanilla Stoli, Hoegaarden, Jack and coke, Labatt Blue

MIA - Hoegaarden, James Ready 5.5, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Jack and coke (2), Hpnotiq, Jim Beam, Hoegaarden, Godfather, Stoli and cranberry

ORL - Mezcal, James Ready 5.5, Pabst Blue Ribbon, El Dorado rum, Canadian Club, Fireball whiskey, Hpnotiq, Labatt Blue

ATL - Labatt Blue, Red Stag and coke, Lowenbrau, Canadian Club (2), Stinger, Crown Royal, Stoli and cranberry, Labatt 50

Labatt Blue Division: In Canada, Labatt Blue is synonymous with ‘domestic’.  It’s a good beer which few people dislike, but apropos, even fewer would claim as their favourite.  A modest beer for teams with modest records.   Lots of beer, some good mixed drinks, but just as many shitty drinks.

NYK - Hoegaarden, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Jack and coke, Lowenbrau, Cuba Libre, Canadian Club, Labatt Blue (2)

PHI - Labatt Blue, Budweiser, Mezcal, Manhattan (2), Labatt 50 (2), Stoli

IND - Labatt 67, Jack and coke (2), Budweiser, Canadian Club, Fireball whiskey, Manhattan, Labatt Blue, Labatt 50

MIL - Labatt Blue (2) Mount Gay and coke, Budweiser, Mezcal, Smirnoff Ice (2)         

DET - Labatt 67, Lowenbrau, Bud Light, Heartbreak cocktail, Stinger, Labatt Blue

Jack n' Grind Division:  There are some drinks that no matter how bad of an itch you have to get drunk, you won’t touch.  These are the kind of teams that no matter how badly I’m itching to watch the NBA, I won’t watch.  A few good cocktails, some fine beers, but too many punishment drinks.  Vegas gave Toronto the lowest odds of winning this year’s championship, and looking at these drinks you can see why.

NJN - Jack and coke, Mount Gay and coke, Jim Beam, Canadian Club, Godfather, Budweiser, Labatt Blue, Wild Turkey

WAS - Jack and coke, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Canadian Club, Fireball whiskey, Smirnoff Ice, Stoli, Bud Light

CLE - Shot of stoli, Jack n' Grind (2), Pabst Blue Ribbon, OV, Budweiser, Godfather, Bud Light, Smirnoff Ice

CHA - Mezcal, Labatt Blue (2), White Russian, Stinger, Jack n' Grind, Manhattan, Bud Light, Smirnoff Ice

TOR - Jack n' Grind, OV, Bud Light, Labatt 50 (2), Smirnoff Ice

NBA Lockout Pain: A short story by Brandon Bombay

Sunlight splinters through the trees on this gorgeous late June evenin.  I’m in a reclined position on our patio furniture which used to not bend like this, but has been worked in through the years and has almost melded to my body.  The beer in my hand is cold, almost too cold to the touch – the way I like it.    My eight year old son is perched on the front steps of the porch just a few feet from me.  A picturesque scene, what more could a man ask for, what more should he ask for?   The feeling in my stomach returns and I writhe in temporary discomfort, shifting in my seat.  Taking a big gulp of too-cold beer it washes through my insides coating my throat then into my stomach.  That uneasy feeling has been stronger than usual of late.  My wife insists it’s from when I drink and wants me to see the doctor, but I hate doctors.  Truth be told, it’s been awhile since I’ve trusted any appointed ‘experts’ in any field; no good seems to come from ‘experts’.  No doctor can cure this feeling though.   There’s no pills, no medication, no procedures, nothing medicinal that can help me.  Painful emotions have cemented into something tangible.  You know how older couples who have been married many years often die within a short time of each other.  The husband passes, and not six months later the wife has lost the strength and no longer holds on.  That’s the best way I can describe this feeling, but instead of letting go because of the pain I’ve decided to hold onto it.  Just as you can’t separate conjoined twins, this feeling can’t be removed, it is a part of me.   I became acutely aware of what was happening to me in 2015.  After seeing NBA franchises being sold at fire sale prices I knew it was over, but like a parent whose child disappears, I just always held out hope, no matter how improbable, that the league would return.  Even when players like Dwayne Wade, and Chris Paul were signing lucrative long-term contracts in Greece and Spain, I still held out hope that they would return.  After the league completely disbanded, owners were salvaging what little money they could.  Not until I saw the New Orleans Hornets sold for a paltry $500,000, and the Milwaukee Bucks sold for a meager $437,000 did it really start to sink in that my NBA was gone, and never coming home.  Not until the LA Lakers were sold for $720,000, to a USC fraternity who purchased it for pure novelty, did I officially begin the mourning process.  It was time for me to move on.  I settled down with a girl, Patricia - not terrible looking, but not too attractive either.  In short time we started a family, Jordan, our daughter, and Michael our son.  My son chose this particular evening to ask me about his name, “Dad, Mom says that I was named after a sports guy.”

“You sure were.” I responded glowingly, “you were named after Michael Jordan himself.”

“Oh, um, who is that?”

“Hahaha, you’re too young to remember him, but he is a famous basketball player, a ferocious competitor.  When I was growing up my friends and I all wanted to be like him.  He’s hands down the greatest player in the history of the NBA.”  I pause as a wave of nostalgic euphoria shoots through me.  Pride overwhelms me as I think that my children, especially my son, will carry on this name.  However, as if I was being violently awoken from a wonderful dream my son asks, “ Dad…what’s the NBA?”

That uneasy feeling returns, it’s like bile filling an empty crater.  I recline in my chair, and take a large swig finishing off my beer.   I reach into the cooler beside me and pull out another too cold brew that has a couple ice cubes stuck to the can.  “Michael, how about I start calling you by your middle name?”

Giving thanks for having booze

Lockout talks continue in New York throughout Thanksgiving and the weekend.  If you’re optimistic about the possibility of the NBA re-opening on December 25^th then go ahead and don’t bother purchasing any Christmas gifts.  Just include them on your list to Santa and he’ll take care of it…you idiot.

Wednesday's Games (13)

BOS @ MIA / DAL @ MEM (Jack and coke):  I really don’t care about Boston or Miami, I really don’t, but these are the two best games on tap tonight, so I had some ol’ faithful. 

CHI @ POR / LAC @ SAS (Mount Gay and coke):  Delicious dark rum, the sweet taste is an homage to the Bulls and Clippers, but Mount Gay is the oldest commercially produced liquor in the world which is an homage to the old-ass Spurs.

HOU @ NOH / NJN @ OKC / NYK @ DEN (Wild Turkey):  For no other reason than it’s Thanksgiving weekend in the states.

MIL @ MIN  / WAS @ SAC (Bud Light): I know what you’re thinking, these are clearly Smirnoff Ice-quality games.  Bet you wouldn’t think that if you were having thirteen drinks.  Bud Light is the equivalent of a jail sentence being reduced for good behavior.

PHI @ GSW / PHO @ TOR / IND @ ATL (Labatt 50): Needed to slow down here so stuck with beer.  Had some 50s cause I only cared about 50% of the teams involved in these matchups.

CHA @ CLE (Smirnoff Ice):   Two unwatchable teams, one undrinkable drink.   Who’s happier about the lockout, Bobcats owner Michael Jordan, or Cavs owner and anti-LeBronite Dan Gilbert?

Thursday's games (2)

BOS @ ORL / NYK @ LAL (Labatt Blue):   The drinks listed above weren’t all I had Wednesday so I wasn’t feeling quite ‘up to snuff’ on Thursday.  While at Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt’s place I had a few beers and that’s all.  

14 Drinks on Tap: Monday and Tuesday's Libations

Yesterday I posted an article on how us fans should stop crying about social injustice and realize we are not ‘owed’ a season by the NBA and its players (check it out) but I neglected to post the drinks consumed for Monday and Tuesday.  I’m in Michigan for Thanksgiving and haven’t decided what I’m going to have for the always dangerous Wednesday matchups, or what kind of drink-theme I’m going to use during Thanksgiving weekend.  All I know is Wild Turkey will be consumed.  If you’re bored, head over to SLAM and get caught up on the most recent in the legalproceedings (spoiler: NBA is still locked out, and will continue to be locked out regardless if they head back to the negotiating/mediator table.)  Additional spoiler: I will continue to drink…

Monday's Games (7)

CHI @ UTA / DEN @ LAC (Jack and coke):  Solid games, so had my most solid of drinks.

GSW @ NJN / MIN @ HOU (Budweiser):  Not just any old Budweiser's, but basement-dwelling Buds from my mom's basement.  Similar to where these four teams will be this year.

NYK @ SAC / POR @ CHA (Labatt Blue):  The most common beer in Canada.  Didn’t want to put any thought into these matchups.

OKC @ SAS (Zubrowka and apple juice):  Best tasting drink for the game of the night.  Tastes like cinnamon apple juice, but not the kind of drink you can have too often. 

Tuesday's Games (7)

ATL @ MIA (Stoli and cranberry): Vodka-cran isn’t a full-on effeminate drink, but it’s close to.  Tried to stick with vodka as much as I could tonight too.  Might make vodka-cran my ‘official’ drink of that Miami Heat team.

BOS @ WAS / PHI @ DAL (Shot of Stoli): These games would be over quick so took a quick shot. 

CHI @ DEN (RedStag and coke):  When I looked at this matchup that’s just the drink that popped into my head.  Might make Red Stag my ‘official’ drink of the Chicago Bulls.  Damn I miss D-Reezy.

DET @ IND / NJN @ PHO (Labatt Blue): Middling beer for middling games.

LAL @ MEM (42Below Vodka): Fantastic vodka from New Zealand of all places.  It’s a great sipping vodka that crushes the ‘mainstream premium’ vodkas.  

Who 'Hates' Fans More?

This may come as a shock to some, but David Stern and the owners don’t care about you.   Furthermore, the NBA players don’t care about you.  Actually, the NBA as a whole does not care about you.  If this is a revelation then you’ve been a truly naive fan of the NBA.  The season is all but cancelled after the owners continued to strong-arm the players, and the players showed ill-timed resiliency.  “I guess this shows that David Stern/Owners/Players (take your pick) really don’t care about the fans.” has been the refrain heard 'round the sportsworld.  Of course they don’t.  Not in the true empathetic sense of 'caring', where the fans feelings directly affect their own.  Fans seem to have misinterpreted their relationship with the NBA feeling they are owed a season.  More than ever fans are reporting a disconnect from these rich businessmen and athletes.  "Occupy ____” comparisons have been made ag nosium: another example of how the downtrodden 99% are being mistreated by the elitist 1%.  Cries are heard all over the internets how SternCo and the NBAPA are basking in the fans’ grief, "if they cared about the fans then they would just play."  David Stern does not sit at home atop a throne of skulls laughing maniacally about the loss of the season.  LeBron James isn’t reinvesting his Sheets profits in a militia group plotting to burn down the city of Cleveland.  The owners* and players all want to see the fans happy, only truly sadistic individuals gather pleasure from the pain of others (*exception see: Michael Jeffrey Jordan).  When given a choice between a) millions of dollars extra, and job security (goin’ for self), or b) fans being able to enjoy basketball games (Mahatma Gandhi), they, the owners and players, chose a) goin' for self.  We as fans should not begrudge them.  Feel free to gripe, and even place blame, but to act wounded as if this were a personal affront is asinine.

Let's apply a similar fan response to a theoretic Holllywood dispute. What if Daniel Radcliffe walked away from the ‘Harry Potter’ franchise before the final installment because the movie production company low-balled him on their offer, and as a result the movie was never released?  Would you in turn announce “that proves it, Daniel Radcliffe doesn’t care about me, or my little brother, in fact, he probably hates my grandmother too!”?  Radcliffe’s adoration for his fans is separate from any contract negotiations.  He wants his fans to be happy, but he doesn't 'owe' them anything.  If prices to the latest 'Harry Potter' flick sky-rocketed to $1000 a ticket do you 'owe' it to him to still go?  Here's an every day example, let’s say you have a mechanic, Geoff (we can presuppose it’s a man), who you’ve been going to for years.  He’s a trustworthy guy, does the job timely and fairly cheap, also you just find him to be all-around amiable.  Now let’s suppose, that in these fiscally restrictive times business has slowed down and Geoff raises his rates by 30%.  You tell him if he can’t work on your car at the same rate as before then you’re taking your business elsewhere.  To which he declines and begins work on another customer's car.  Now you're upset because finding a good mechanic is hard, and your car needs work. Does this mean Geoff doesn’t care about the emotional state he’s left you in, and the possible decline of your fine automobile?  Geoff is still the same trustworthy guy he’s just trying to run a more profitable business.  Talented Daniel, and amiable Geoff want their fans/customers to be happy, but are not willing to trade their personal wealth and happiness for others to be slightly more content.  Again, we should not begrudge them.

People are dishonest with themselves and have a terribly difficult time turning an objective eye on their own behavior.  Often times believing that if confronted with another person’s dilemma that they, as a superior over-all person, would act differently and more just.  You can often hear proclamations such as "If I won the lottery I'd give half to charity", sure, if by "charity" you mean strippers and escorts.  SternCo and the players are not so different from you and I; in the end we all want everyone to be happy, as long as it doesn't interfere with any of our plans. 

Will your infant son ever see an NBA game?

A conversation between a father and his son in the year 2022:

“Daddy, who’s Michael Jordan?”

“He’s a famous basketball player.  The best player in the history of the NBA.”

“What’s the NBA?” 

Over at ESPN there’s a good piece on wherethe lockout is headed.  It's an all-encompassing write up, so you can see varying views. I continue to take an NBApocalypse approach and drink in my bunker during this NBA nuclear winter. 

Eighteen games on tap total this weekend  I cheated and had some of Sunday’s drinks on Saturday.  Nine games slated for Saturday, and since it was Saturday and I was getting drunk regardless of the lockout I had five of Sunday’s drinks (that I can remember at least), so fourteen total Saturday leaving me with a manageable four remaining for Sunday.  Saturday I was drinking Red Stag with a splash of coke, mostly doubles.  Delicious drink, but very sweet and not something you can have every week.  It’s more of a get-drunk-off-once-a-month drink for me. 

Sunday's games (9 – 5 Saturday, 4 Sunday):

CHI @ LAC (Red Stag and Coke): I know, I know, not too creative, but this would be a sweet game to watch and Redstag and coke is a sweet drink.

DAL @ ATL (CrownRoyal and ginger): Rye and ginger.  A drink I like, but don’t love for a game that would captivate my interest only if there was overtime, or if ZaZa Pachulia got a flagrant foul against Dirk. 

NOH @ ORL (Hpnotiq): After the game Chris Paul refused to join the team and staged a ‘sit-in’ in the visitor’s locker room saying he would not leave until traded to Orlando to play alongside Dwight.  This is basically what ‘Melo did, and now you see why we have a lockout.  Drank Hypnotiq simply because it matches the uniforms.

CLE @ CHA (Bud Light): This is the definition of a punishing Jack n’ Grind game, but I just didn’t have it in me.  So I sipped on a Bud Light, which is punishment enough. 

Bombay Tackles '10 Manliest Drinks'

A ‘source’ has leaked that the NBA is “optimistic” about having the season ready to start on Christmas day.  You have a better chance of seeing Osama Bin Laden in full Santa-garb on Christmas day than you do of seeing any NBA games.  Conserve your Christmas wishes and prayers because if David Stern can’t bring you the NBA on Christmas then Santa and Jesus sure as hell can’t.   Oh, and if you haven’t already, make sure to check out my starting five for the Teetotaler All-Stars. 

While on Stumbleupon I found a recipe for 10 Manliest Cocktails.  I tried some of them out last night.  Since they are strong drinks I doubled up some of the matchups, I also didn't have all the ingredients for every drink so I just made due.

Friday's Games (11)

CHI @ PHO (Old Fashioned): Whenever I think of Bulls vs Suns I think of this.  Whenever I think of an ‘old fashioned’ I think of this.

CHA @ PHI / POR @ IND (Manhattan): Hey David Stern, “what have I done to deserve this dry and flavourless manhattan?” Yes, I'm re-hashing the same 'Simpsons' Manhattan reference I did earlier in the week.

ATL @ DET (Stinger): Brandy and crème de menthe.  Again, thanks for making me smell like a bum who’s been drinking mouthwash all-day Billy Hunter.  

DEN @ OKC / LAC @ UTA (Rusty Nail): Scotch and drambuie.  Best tasting drink on this list for the best matchups. 

MIA @ CLE / NJN @ NOH (Godfather): Amaretto and scotch.  Can you guess in these matchups which teams are ‘amaretto’ and which ones are ‘scotch’?

SAC @ DAL / SAS @ MIN (Sidecar): Bourbon, cointreau lemon juice.  I'll be honest, I didn't have triple sec (cointreau) so I just sipped brandy.

MIL @ TOR (Smirnoff Ice): But you say, “Bombay, there is nothing manly about a Smirnoff Ice.”  No there isn't, no there isn't. 

Teetotaler All-Stars: Team Sober

“I never played a game sober” the infamous words of former NBA pogo-stick Keon Clark, who was conspicuously left off the ballot for this all-star squad.  Taking an eastern philosophy Lao Tzu approach, there is no drunkenness without sobriety, I decided to show some love for those who do not imbibe, and compiled the starting five Teetotaler All-Stars: Team Sober.  Scouring the internets I had trouble pin pointing players who were openly sober – although finding players who were sober after a past of substance abuse was not difficult.  To determine those players who were not only sober, but actually abstained from alcohol altogether, I searched for those closely associated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS).  Members of this church not only abstain from alcohol, but all stimulants: booze, caffeine, pre-marital sex.  There’s only one place that would have these non-drinking, non-cursing, non-sex having hooligans, the capital of Mormonism, Utah.  I present to you the Utah Teetotalers:

Center – Shawn Bradley: A google search of ‘Shawn Bradley mormon’ gave me this link. This guy puts Bill Simmons on blast for his ‘constant’ trashing of Bradley.   He later goes on to describe Bradley as one of the more underrated centers of his time.  One of the luxuries I have with this blog is if I write something truly asinine I can chalk it up to “I was drunk”.  This self described 'normal Mormon husband' doesn't have that luxury, and unless this was ghost written by Don Nelson, I don’t know what would inspire him to write a 2000 word article defending this. 

Power Forward – Scott Pollard: Whaaaat??!!!  Don’t let the crazy hair fool you.  Pollard was found on this famous Mormon website.   Guess it’s true what they say “you can’t judge a book (of Mormon) by its cover.”

Small Forward – Keith Van Horn:   Van Horn went to college at Utah where it was rumoured he was seen ‘holding hands’ with up to four different female groupies in one year!  Van Horn, whose most significant contribution to the NBA was being a salary cap place holder during the Jason Kidd to Dallas deal, walked away from the NBA to spend more time with his family.  In the pantheon of teetotaler moments, walking away from millions to spend extra time with your family, is right up there.  Oh, and turns out this happened.

Shooting Guard – James ‘Jimmer’ Fredette: There was already a ‘James’ in the Fredette family so his mom took to calling him ‘Jimmer’.  In a recent interview Fredette was quoted as saying “thanks a friggin’ lot Mom!”  Jimmer was last year’s Naismith winner after a stellar senior year at BYU.  Many in the Mormon community have exclaimed “This is what it would look like if Joseph Smith played basketball.”

Point Guard – Danny Ainge:  Ainge’s fiery on-court personae is a departure from the usual teetotaler mild-manner demeanor, but at point guard you need a passionate leader.  Plus, he’s the only one on this list to crack the LDS Top 100.  

Thursday's Games (2): 

She might be the Kim Kardashian of the rap game, but after seeing this commercial I wanted to get some Amber Rose-endorsed vodka.  I was too lazy/hungover and drank some Jack and cokes instead.  

13 games (drinks) on tap last night

‘Hump day’ is proving to be the most difficult in my drinking odessey.  Getting lit-up on Friday and Saturday is no problem, but consuming thirteen drinks mid-week takes its toll.  What the hell else am I gonna do, watch ice hockey?  Jumping straight to the drinks today…

Wednesday's games (13)

BOS @ MIA (Hoegaarden): The beer I use to symbolize games that people are hyped about, and I just don’t care for.  I’d definitely tune into this game, but indifferently.  Boston circa ’08 (which I hated) paved the way for Miami ’10 (which I hate). 

DAL @ MEM (Hypnotiq): As long as we don’t get a complacent Z-bo this could be the matchup of the night.  Sipped some tasty liqueur to enjoy it.  

CHI @ POR / LAC @ SAS (Zubrowka and apple juice):  Promising matchups, so I had a drink that tastes like cinnamon-apple juice.  Seeing Blake bang against Duncan is always great.  Depending on what Portland and San Antonio team came to play these matchups have serious potential.

NJN @ OKC / NYK @ DEN / IND @ ATL (Canadian club & gingerale):  Middling matchups, so I drank an ‘ok’ drink.  Knicks @ (former Knicks) Denver would be interesting. 

PHI @ GSW / PHO @ TOR / HOU @ NOH (Labatt 50):  In each matchup I’m interested in 50% of the teams: Warriors, Suns, Hornets; and could care less about the other 50%: I’m looking at you Raptors.

WAS @ SAC / MIL @ MIN (Smirnoff Ice): Four unwatchable teams (I’ll admit, The Bucks and ‘Wolves could potentially be solid this year…potentially).  "Icing" people has become fashionable, but Smirnoff Ice has long been the symbol of a detested drink in my circle.  Would have drank Zima’s if I could find them.

CHA @ CLE (Jack n' Grind): Technically there were three 'Jack n' Grind' quality games, but in the battle of “unwatchability”, Bobcats @ Cavs is as bad as it gets.  Also, I wasn't about to have three helpings of: a coffee mug sprinkled with coffee grinds and a shot of Jack Daniel's.  

Sorry College Basketball, my heart belongs to another

Is infidelity enough to end a meaningful long-term relationship?  Suppose you are in love with someone, and they are in love with you, it’s a connection that transcends physicality - an experience you’ve never had before.  You’ve built a life together; live together; grow together.  Suppose this person, who you care about deeply, was intimate with someone else.  It meant nothing, it was a drunken mistake, the encounter was baseless, but it happened.  Could you forgive and accept this loved one back into your life?  Can you look past this one transgression, move on, and continue to build together?  This is the scenario I feel with the current NBA Lockout. I feel betrayed, I feel lost, my heart is broken.  I need to decide if the life I've built with the NBA is worth saving – as of now, I do not know.  This has been a lifelong relationship, and in recent years (with my LeaguePass subscription) we’ve taken the equivalent steps of ‘moving in’, and ‘talks of engagement’.  Can I throw it all away just because of the lockout?  I feel if my friends were to intervene they’d give me advice like “she’s not good for you”, “we don’t like how she’s treating you”, “it’s time to move on”.  While I mend my heart, just like the last time I became single, I’ll listen to Kanye's '808s and Heartbreak' on continuous loop, and continue to drink…

Tuesday’s Games (4):

LAC @ HOU / PHO @ DET (Heartbreak cocktail): Just typed 'heartbreak cocktail' in google and I got this.  Pretty tasty actually, accept I didn't use Bacardi rum. Ohh, and for 2500 pounds you can purchase this. 

ORL @ IND / WAS @ LAL (Fireball Whiskey): Because it tastes like the cinnamon hearts you used to get on Valentine's Day as a kid.  

War: what is it good for?

Do you ever wonder what would have happened in the 80s at the height of the Cold War if Mutually Assured Destruction was not a deterrent?  Well, we’re getting a glimpse into that now with the NBA.  The NBAP Union has disbanded choosing the ‘disclaiming the union’ route (which is like decertification, just not), and in his press conference, David Stern referred to this as ‘the nuclear winter’ of the NBA.  Billy Hunter sent a letter to the players explaining what disclaiming the union means for them, and claims they had “no other choice” but to disband the union.  Hmmm, no other choice, really Bill?  I’d like to see Billy Hunter on a Saturday night trying to choose a restaurant with his wife, it would go something like this: they would both decide they want to go out to dinner; Mrs. Hunter would suggest an Italian restaurant; Billy Hunter, who doesn’t like Italian would say no, and then file for divorce.  As mentioned before, these negotiations have devolved into a game of chicken, and the players have shown they most certainly are not chicken.  They might not be smart, but don’t call them chicken! 

Sometimes I hate being right.  Now, more than ever, I need a drink, and following the ‘nuclear winter’ theme I took to the internets and looked up some Cold War Cocktails:

Monday’s games (5)  see above link for recipes:

GSW @ DAL (Churchill):  Could’ve used ol’ Winston during these labour negotiations.

NYK @ UTA (Cuba Libre): I’ve said before this whole lockout experience feels like the Cuban Missile Crisis, just waiting for the bomb to drop.

OKC @ CHA (Stinger): Two parts Brandy, one party Crème de menthe.  Thanks Billy Hunter, I love reeking of mouthwash.

PHI @ POR (Manhattan): Wish Bart Simpson was here to mix mine.

SAC @ MEM (B52) : Feel like a B52 just dropped an atomic bomb…on my heart.

The NBA: Where 'Survivor' meets 'Big Brother' happens

Last night SternCo took to Twitter in an attempt to win the fans over using social media.  However, “We need a system that allows all 30 teams to compete for a championship” was the common refrain, and used on more than one question.  If the NBA is serious about winning over the fans here are two ideas to keep the NBA from turning into post ’94 Major League Baseball. 

Idea the first: give the fans free BroadBand LeaguePass.  Personally, I was catapulted from ‘huge fan’ to ‘insane-o fan’ once I got LeaguePass and could pick and choose which games I watched.  Obviously, this would initially lose the league money, but if they’re thinking long-term – and that’s what the lockout is all about – then this is a money-making proposition.  Offering free LeaguePass not only is a sign of good faith to the fans, but it can transform many ‘casual fans’ into ‘super fans’.  If fans can watch the likes of Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant, and Chris Paul every night than the NBA is a much more enticing product.  Many more fans would re-up their LeaguePass subscription once the free offer expired (the first one's always free right?)

Idea the second: have fans vote players down to the D-League.  One of the minor clauses discussed during negotiations was to let teams send players down to theD-League at reduced pay.  Running with that idea, how about you let the fans chose which player would be ‘voted off the island’.  Each month every team could put one or two players ‘up for eviction’, and the fans can vote who they want to see sent down.  (Note: Sundiata Gaines gets veto power because of this.)  Reality TV is king, and don't you think fans would love to 'stick it back' to the players a little by sending them down to the D-League? C’mon SternCo, give me free LeaguePass and the ability to play GM.   Until that happens I will continue to drink…

Sunday’s Games (9):

I’m not going to lie.  The drinking is catching up with me.  Well, maybe it’s because I’ve been over-imbibing on the weekends.  Regardless, I needed a night off so I mailed it in last night and drank Bud Lights, plus there were no games of note on tap.  I promise to make it up to you Wednesday with a cornucopia of drinks.  

On the 16th day of the 11th month an association will fall

I’m feeling like NBAstradamus. While many writers were lining up to purchase their 36-home game season tickets I continued to spout ‘end of days’ verbiage.   Sources say that Stern does not want a season of less than 70 games, which means a deal has to be made soon, as in now - the good news is we won't have to listen to any 'Miami will win 70 games' talk.   The writing’s on the wall, it’s been structure issues, not Basketball Related Income issues for a while now.  "They don't want to do a deal," one agent said of the owners' proposals. "And what they've underestimated is the resolve of the players." No, the players underestimated the resolve of the owners.  Kelly Dwyer talks about the player’s futility, which echoes my sentiments: players lose, fans lose, owners unrepentant…Bombay drinks. 

Yesterday was Remembrance Day /Veteran's Day  so I dedicate these drinks to all veterans past and present.  Even with a belly full of liquor I could never be as brave as you.

Friday’s Games (10)

DEN @ LAL / LAC @ BOS / MEM @ DAL (Vanilla Stoli and Vernor's ginger-ale): Three solid matchups,  nothing to go crazy over, but games worth watching.  I chose a drink that tastes like a creamsicle because for some reason DEN @ LAL evokes that in me. 

GSW @ NOH (Alize): Steph Curry, Montae...ohhh and a lil' bit of Chris Paul.  Sipped some sweet Alize in honour of this game.

NJN @ MIA (shot of Jim Beam): Take a shot so it's over quick, like this game would be.

PHO @ IND / WAS @ ORL / UTA @ ATL (Canadian Club and ginger ale):  Utah and Atlanta are both at a franchise impasse, and the Suns well, no comment. Drank some light tasting rye and gingers cause these games would get a ‘breeze-over’ on LeaguePass.

MIL @ PHI  / SAC @ MIN (shot of mezcal): Watching these matchups would make me sick to my stomach.  Much like cheap mescal makes me sick to my stomach.

Hardline Hawks: this time, and everytime, it's personal

“They’re so close to making a deal that it would be idiotic to stop negotiations at this point.” Ahh, the naïve refrain heard ‘round the internets.  Fact of the matter is, the non-hardline owners - the Cubans and Dolans - are close to a deal with the “50/50?  Thought you’d never ask!” Players.  However, a chasm remains between the ‘Hardline Hawks’, whom Michael Jordan has become the face of, and the ‘NBA 50/50ers’.  We’re nearing the end of the second twelve hour session since ‘ultimatum hour’ and reports have been, well, sparse, and that is not a good sign.  Sorry to break it to you folks, but billionaires don’t become billionaires by makingconcessions.  It also does not help that the face of the ‘Hardline Hawks’ borders on hating humanity.  You hear about a champion’s drive to win, or how a player hates to lose.  Michael Jordan doesn’t care if he wins or loses, he only cares that you lose.  He didn’t become the greatest ever by making concessions to anyone, ever.  Hopefully, I’m just spouting apocalyptic rhetoric and will be proven wrong in the next twelve hours.  Until then, I’m bunkering down with my booze…

Thursday’s games (2)

OKC @ CHI / SAS @ POR (Famous Grouse): I’m not even going to mention how missing OKC/CHI literally knocked the wind out of me.  Drinking helps with the loss of the NBA, but going through and looking at every single game I’m missing can be painful at times.  Sipping on some scotch tonight.  I don’t even like scotch.  

How I learned to stop worrying and love decertification

The internets were abuzz all night following the resumed labour talks that ran until roughly 1:30am EST.  After meeting for twelve hours both sides have finalized...nothing.  Kids, if you haven't already, start brushing up on your knowledge of union decertification.  As previously stated here and here (and all over this site).  There will be no season.